Meditating on the Sunset
Reaching Marital Bliss by Not Running away.
I often ask, “What do you as a couple really enjoy?” Or, “What is the glue that holds your
marriage together?” “What do you love most about your partner?” Many have difficulties
sharing simply how they enjoy each other’s company or shared hobbies or sports.
These would seem to be the easy things to talk about but not always true. Individuals enter a
marriage sometimes saying Yeah I love to do that but down the line the act is over. You can’t
pretend to love to play golf anymore if you hate the game. Again these would seem to be the easy
issues to resolve. Many come for therapy and can not answer “What do you both share for
enjoyment?” Other differences could take 13 years to “get it out”. One couple at 13 years of
marriage realized all the wife’s jobs were jobs where she was told what to do. The husband became
frustrated as he wants her to see what needs to be done, take the ball and run with it. Through out
the Journey of marriage opposite beliefs and values reach crisis. Sadly many do not want to do
what it takes to accept or join their values, desires and beliefs. The union of marriage is defined in
many ways. Different cultures, different faiths, different personal beliefs and values define how a
couple believe their marriage will work. They each come to the marriage with their own ideas on
what is the role of the wife, what is the role of the husband, who makes the decisions, and on and on.
The journey of joining values and beliefs takes many years as memories of how to do things intuitively
rise out of the subconscious. Merging values can take years of sacrifice, negotiation, and working out
differences. This process does not usually happen in the first 5 years of marriage; sometimes not in
the first 10 years. Many divorce before the tension of the conflict is resolved. To be a union,
marriage is work and is a process of heating and molding until Marital Bliss is achieved.
A life long Journey. Marriage really is a journey. You have to create your own road map.
Long-married couples I have interviewed confide that marriage is a lot of work but it can also
bring a lot of personal rewards in togetherness and emotional intimacy. It is a lifetime process.
Couples too often give up and divorce.
Many sabotage themselves and leave as many allow fear, inadequacy and unwillingness to
negotiate and work through crisis leading to change. It takes work to make a more rewarding
life together.
A “Blog” about “Letting go of the Grip of PTSD”
John Lee LMHC a PTSD Survivor as well as a Psychotherapist who has ”Helped many learn how to live again”.
John has found that those who practice the tools learn how to respond to stress rather than react to stress!
John teaches PTSD survivors ways of exercising their minds so the reactions
from past events begin to become more manageable!
Recovery from PTSD is like having an allergy. When a person’s sensory system channels what a person sees, hears, smells or tastes to the brain, the brain of a PTSD survivor can cause a reaction. This is like being allergic to hay and and breaking out with itchy eyes, wheezing and sneezing. A physician treating an allergy to hay would prescribe a patient the tools to treat and cope with the allergy.
John Lee, a PTSD survivor, Florida licensed mental health counseler and member of the Florida Society of Clinical Hypnosis does not believe in exposing PTSD victims to the precipitating trauma, just as a medical doctor would not expose a patient who is allergic to a hay loft!
Have you ever heard of a physician saying those that are allergic to hay need to play in a hay loft so they can recover? No! The same with PTSD. One does not need to re experience the Trauma in order to learn how to become more at peace.
John teaches PTSD victims many different ways to recover and become a survivor! John has helped countless people over the last 20 plus years learn how let go of their horror and stop a life full of avoidance, hypervigilance, hyperarousal, and nightmares.
John teaches PTSD survivors how to fully live again!
In working with a 18 year old who had an extremely traumatic childhood John helped her learn to identify that PTSD is like living with a time bomb in side of oneself encased in a brick wall!
At the end of the session she said Living with PTSD is not only like living with a time bomb
but one also needs to install a sprinkler system
in case of an emerging over reaction of fire!
The 18 year old then said, John you are a survivor and you understand what I mean about needing a sprinkler system!
Over reactions are brutal and at times can kill!
John Lee LMHC is very effective and has had many sucessful outcomes, starting with treatment of his own PTSD and then helping others.
Clients have said, “John, you are the first therapist I have ever felt comfortable with.
”I have never felt this level of compassion!”
”I have been to many therapists. You are the first one in years whom I have felt I could trust and the first therapist in years who has really helped me recover from my symptoms of PTSD!”
When the sensory system picks up familiar events, this may cause physical, cognitive (thinking), emotional, behavioral and spiritual reactions!
John Lee LMHC is a member and is credentialed in Critical Incident Stress Debriefing.
John recently responded to a call from a business where a fellow employee died on the job!
John was able to help those who were hurting due to the loss of their co-worker
John also responds to traumatic events to provide education on
The normal reaction to critical incidents/trauma
Evidence exists that by providing education to people recently exposed to a traumatic or
critical event,
providing them support and referring those who need services and assisting those who need help finding the help they need,
And also screening people who show evidence of
this trauma negatively affecting their ability to function,
getting them immediate help
reduces the risk of the manifestation of PTSD.
Thirty percent of those who experience a traumatic or critical incident
bounce back to normal functioning in a short perieod of time.
People are basically resilient and can often bounce right back!
The next 30 per cent of those who experience a Traumatic Event
Show some signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that last for a significant perrieod of time but they as well bounce back to normal functioning. However they can experience some reactions when exposed to a similar event but do not experience debilitating PTSD.
The last 30 per cent show significant symptoms of PTSD and when exposed to similar events have PTSD reactions. However, this group also bounces back and functions somewhat normally. They learn to live with the reactions, often with the help of family, co-workers, friends and their spiritual beliefs. However, at times the reactions can become serious and can interrupt vocational functioning.
This happened to a client. Her husband was hurt in a near fatal car accident. Many years ago she was almost killed in an accident. This event brought about major PTSD symptoms that interfered with her vocational functioning andfhad to go on a medical leave. I helped her by addressing some false beliefs she had about herself and she was very receptive to Clinical Hypnosis. She also practiced the self hypnosis on a daily basis along with positive affirmations related to safety and her sense of value. She had a positive outcome and has returned to her normal level of functioning!
The remaining 10 per cent of those exposed to a critical Incident or trauma develop moderate to severe PTSD. They become significantly vocationally impaired and often end up on disability. PTSD is a very serious illness and needs to be taken very seriously. There are excellent treatments available to those who are hurting. People need to get past the stigma of reaching out for help and treat their PTSD reactions. PTSD is an illness with a great amount of denial and many self medicate with alcohol or drugs.
Get immediate help if you experience rapid heart beat, chest pain, headaches, elevated blood pressure, suicidal/homicidal thoughts, hallucinations, delusions,
persistent diminished problem solving, disabling guilt, paranoid ideas, hopelessness, panic attacks, severe depression, infantile emotions, antisocial acts, abuse of others, violence or diminished personal hygiene.
Call John Lee LMHC Today at 561 853 2214 or cell 561 309 4140 today!
John does distant phone evaluations and can help! Or seek help from your own providers.
Get the help you need today!
Call 561 309 4140!
Talk to John He is both a professional and
has personally experienced a life long battle with PTSD
The following list are normal reactions to normal people who have been exposed to abnormal events. If you recognize any symptoms regarding Physical, Cognitive, Emotional, Behavioral, and spiritual reactions to Critical Incidents/Trauma, get help now! Symptoms will only get worse if left untreated! Acceptance is hard but sometimes you have to surrender to win the battle of PTSD!
The following list of reactions to trauma was composed by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation
Physical Reactions to Critical Incident Stress/Trauma Include:
Chills
Thirst
Fatigue
Nausea
Fainting
Twitches
Vomiting
Dizziness
Waekness/Numbness
Chest Pains
Headaches
Elevated Blood Preassure
Rapid Heart Rate
Muscle Tremors
Grinding of
Teeth
Symptoms of Shock
Visual Difficulties
Profuse Sweating
Difficulty Breathing
Cognitive/Thinking Reactions to Critical Incident Stress/Trauma include:
Confusion
Nightmares
Uncertainty
Hypervigilance
Suspiciousness
Intrusive Images (related to truama often mis diagnosed as psychosis)
Blaming
Poor Problem Solving
Poor Abstract Thinking
Change in Attention Span
Poor Concentration/memory/disorientation of time, place or person
Difficulty identifying objects or people
Heightened or lowered alertness
Change in awareness of surroundings
Suicidal/Homicidal Thoughts
Hallucinations, Delusions (related to trauma which can turn into persecutory psychotic paranoid delusions)
Persistent Diminished Problem Solving
Paranoid Ideas
Disabling Guilt
Hoplessness and Helplessness
Emotional Reactions to Critical Incident Stress/Trauma Include:
Fear
Guilt
Grief
Panic Attacks
Denial
Anxiety
Agitation
Irritability
Depression
Immobilizing
Intense
Anger
Apprehension
Emotional Shock
Emotional Outbursts
Feeling Overwhelmed
Loss of Emotional Control
Inappropriate Emotional Response
Infantile Emotions
Behavioral Reactions to Critical Incident Stress/Trauma Include
Withdrawal
Antisocial Acts
Inability to Rest
Intensified Pacing
Erratic Movements
Change in Social Activity
Change in Speech/Appetite
Hyper-Alertness
Using drugs or alcohol to medicate
Change in usual communications style/pattern
Abuse of Others
Poor Personal Hygiene
Violence
Spiritual Reactions To Critical Incident
Stress Trauma Include:
Anger at God
Withdrawal from Faith-Based Community
Crisis of Faith
Religious Hallucinations or delusions
(obtained from www.icisf.org
(Updated by Sam Bernard Ph.D http://sambernard.info)
I have been counseling people who have addictions for the last 20 years. Just how far does 0ne have to fall! Just how much does a person have to lose before one truly admits to “I am Powerless” For years, I have worked with “Addicts” who insist “Alcohol isn’t my problem.” Well then why were you sleeping in the front yard “naked”! Response: Sombody must have put somthing in my drink and the story goes on and on! Tragedies and deaths that could have been avoided by just admitting “I am powerless over all mood altering substances” ” I need help and I will do what ever it takes!”
I read an interesting newsletter today asking this exact question. Why is admitting I am powerless so hard?
Greetings!No matter how long I continue to counsel families struggling with substance abuse, the one concept that comes up again and again is that of being “powerless over alcohol.” People with years of sobriety fall prey to the big lie that seduces them into believing they can drink again socially.
Others still struggle to come to terms with……..
Read more of “Joe’s” outstanding newsletter by following this link http://bit.ly/cQsNj
There can never be enough literature on the life crisis between “I can handle it It’s not that bed” and Admitting being Powerless!
John Lee, Licensed Mental Health Counselor