Marriage is often a “Journey through “Crisis”

Reaching Marital Bliss by Not Running away.

I often ask, “What do you as a couple really enjoy?” Or, “What is the glue that holds your
marriage together?” “What do you love most about your partner?” Many have difficulties
sharing simply how they enjoy each other’s company or shared hobbies or sports.
These would seem to be the easy things to talk about but not always true. Individuals enter a
marriage sometimes saying Yeah I love to do that but down the line the act is over. You can’t
pretend to love to play golf anymore if you hate the game. Again these would seem to be the easy
issues to resolve. Many come for therapy and can not answer “What do you both share for
enjoyment?” Other differences could take 13 years to “get it out”. One couple at 13 years of
marriage realized all the wife’s jobs were jobs where she was told what to do. The husband became
frustrated as he wants her to see what needs to be done, take the ball and run with it. Through out
the Journey of marriage opposite beliefs and values reach crisis. Sadly many do not want to do
what it takes to accept or join their values, desires and beliefs. The union of marriage is defined in
many ways. Different cultures, different faiths, different personal beliefs and values define how a
couple believe their marriage will work. They each come to the marriage with their own ideas on
what is the role of the wife, what is the role of the husband, who makes the decisions, and on and on.
The journey of joining values and beliefs takes many years as memories of how to do things intuitively
rise out of the subconscious. Merging values can take years of sacrifice, negotiation, and working out
differences. This process does not usually happen in the first 5 years of marriage; sometimes not in
the first 10 years. Many divorce before the tension of the conflict is resolved. To be a union,
marriage is work and is a process of heating and molding until Marital Bliss is achieved.
A life long Journey. Marriage really is a journey. You have to create your own road map.
Long-married couples I have interviewed confide that marriage is a lot of work but it can also
bring a lot of personal rewards in togetherness and emotional intimacy. It is a lifetime process.

Couples too often give up and divorce.

Many sabotage themselves and leave as many allow fear, inadequacy and unwillingness to
negotiate and work through crisis leading to change. It takes work to make a more rewarding
life together.

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